Inspired by: Michelle Kapler (step-daughter extraordinary) – http://mulifertility.com
We live in a very different time and place than our grandparents, or even our parents for that matter. We are also North American societally influenced. One might label this as core-family centric. I personally considered (up until recently) my son, his wife and I my only family even though I have extended family, I have not spent time, or been influenced by them for many years.
Now I have been blessed with a grandson, and recently married into an amazing extended family, my interpretation of family has expanded.
My grandmothers were very different ladies. I had the good fortune of growing to be an adult with both my maternal and paternal grandmothers. My paternal grandmother was someone that we visited on Sunday afternoons. We (the grandchildren) were to be seen and not heard. Unless we were asked a question, one didn’t even suggest that one might have an opinion on anything! If we were fortunate enough to speak, we darn well better also know when to shut up. If we were good, we were allowed to serve the cake to the guests.
My maternal grandmother was an enigma to me until I reached adulthood. Grandma G. came to live with me when I was in my 30’s and she was in her 80’s. It was the best of times and the worst. The two of us learned we were peas in a pod but not in a good way. We also learned to love each other. I wouldn’t trade that time for anything. Unfortunately, with a generation between us, the living arrangement was not meant to endure time. Grandma G choose to leave my home after 7 months to live with people her own age. At the time I was hurt by her decision, but have come to understand it.
My Son’s grandmothers were another generation. My mother and his father’s mother could not be more different. My Mother was order. His paternal grandmother was chaos. Both, without doubt adored their first grandchild. As a child, my son spent a great deal of time with his grandparents. They are the ones that taught him to play Kanasta, bake cookies, build blanket forts and to fish. These are things that he still loves today. TJ benefitted greatly from open and honest relationships with his grandmothers. These were the first women, besides myself that he fell in love with. Don’t get me wrong, he was and did adore his grandfathers as well, but it was his grandmothers who melted his heart.
There was a 3rd grandmother that my son didn’t get to know as well and that was his step-grandmother. Distance, not desire became a barrier in that relationship, but I was able to watch and be influenced by this amazing women and how she lived as a grandmother with the others who lived closer. She taught her grandchildren the value of time, good manners, taking a bus and reading a book. She taught us, the parents, that grandmothers were a treat to be savoured and respected. The grandchildren knew this instinctively.
I am the next generation of grandmother. I am not “stay at home” as were the 2 generations before. I am a career corporate executive grandmother. I will be a long distance grandmother. The challenge is not insurmountable, especially with the cooperation of my grandson’s parents. I am a younger woman (although not in age) than either of the grandmothers my son came to know. There is truth to 50 being the new 35 (except when I loose my glasses). This too will influence my relationship with him. This past weekend, I was given the gift of time alone with my grandson. I fell in love once again.
CJ is tiny. Tinier than any human I have ever held, including his father.
This past weekend his parents trusted me, his grandmother (Nana) to be solely responsible for his care. It was perfect. He was perfect. We got to know each other. I learned he purrs when he sleeps. He learned that I was a soft place to land for a nap.
To be a grandmother in today’s world means opening your heart to brief moments of quiet time. To hold and breath in a new life. To appreciate that our relationship will be different and yet just as meaningful as those generations before. It is my hope to be a positive influence in some meaningful way, as I watched the grandmothers before. I have been influenced by the 5 grandmothers before me. Family dynamics have changed in the evolution of family but what hasn’t changed is the fact that they are women who influence our children. CJ will have 3 grandmothers influencing his life and each of us will play our parts.
Nana, Nana K and Nana W. Move over Papa D, Bumpa and Pops
P.S. Yes, I did make the Pooh Bear Hat…. Gotta love knitting 😉
It’s a saying that has become familiar between D and I. We laugh at it knowing that it is true and yet deep inside I think the two of us resent the fact that we aren’t “spring chickens”anymore. We resent our bodies for the aches and pains that once, we either didn’t feel or we more easily pushed through. We resent that our stamina isn’t what we remember.
The Other Side of Counting to Ten 